St Vinny's "loft"
(There's an audio version of this at: https://www.1889books.co.uk/a-tale-of-two-pigeons-fitzalan-squa )
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Nah then, Darren, a’reight?
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Ey up! Is that Kev? Bloody hell, Kev. How’s it blowin’, lad?
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Sound mate, yeah.
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Not seen thi for yonks.
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I’ve been nowhere mate – just mi ol’ territory. Where’s tha been?
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Well, we ’ad to clear out of St. Vinny’s. Proper loft that were, but the
upright pigs moved in and cleared us aht.
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Oh ar, I heard about that – didn’t they murder innocent eggs?
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Yeah, ’orrible it were. Smashed nests an’ everything. So me an’ t’ lads went up ’illsborough after Tramlines to clean up. It were a reight good scoff –
should’ve been there, mate.
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All t’ decent lofts are disappearing, these days. What were it at St Vinny’s?
Not more bloody student lofts were it?
- Ar, reckon so.
- Dun’t they build owt else? I were at
Wharneliffe Works for a bit, then the upright pigs came and started blocking up
the flights. Bastards!
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Ar... Bastards!
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I’ve gorra reight pad in the Old Town Hall nah.
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Nice. I might try gerrin’ in t’ Winter Gardens for the neet, me. Love it in
theer. Burr it’s tricky gerrin’ in…. What tha had for thi tea?
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Good old Greggs’ pasty – only a tad squashed an’ all. Not bad pickings the
neet. What about tha?
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Pizza vomit up West Street outside Nando’s. Allus decent pickings up theer this
time of year.
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Ar. True enough.
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Ar....... Tha still seeing that Debs?
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Nah, mate. She copped it, poor lass.
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Oh, ar? Whar ’appened?
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We were having a scoff – load of noodles spilt on t’ floor outside Yep Yep
Hotpot and this bloody falcon swoops dahn an’ nabs her an’ carries her off up
t’ top o’ St George’s.
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Shame that.
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Ar. Tha don’t wanna go near theer – student leftovers or no. Still… plenty more
pigeons in t’ sky, as my ol’ ma used to say. An’ I’ve still gorr’ it. I can
still puff my chest out and strut my stuff. I might have a stumpy foot burr
everythin’ else works; know what I mean?
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Here, does that old fella still tip aht a carrier bag o’ bread at t’ top of
Angel Street?
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Ar, sometimes. Reight scoff that.
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Reight scoff! Bit like that up Hillsborough wi’ loads o’ duck bread… ’ere, I’m
just goin’ up for a traditional festive crap on ol’ Eddie’s head. Tha coming?
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Don’t mind if I do. Honourin’ the old traditions and that pasty’s on its way
through.
- Take that, Ed.
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Haha. Season’s greetings, Eddie.
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’ere…. I thought summat were missing. What happened to all t’ trees, Kev? It
were a reight cosy loft of a summer’s night ’ere. Many’s a lass I’ve cooed to
up in them branches.
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Bloody upright pigs weren’t it. Chopped ’em dahn – just to spite us I reckon –
can’t be no other reason. Made a reight mess of it ’an’t they.
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What they gorr against trees?
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Buggered if I know. Bastards!
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Ar. Bastards..... Here, Kev – dahn theer! Them upright pigs are chuckin’ summat
dahn.
- Bloody hell, it’s mince pies – I’m on it.
Landing gear engaged!
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Wait – I love a mince pie, me.
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I’ll be well set up for Chrimbo nah, Daz. I were going to go for a bit of a
race round wi’ t’ gang over t’ Crown Court, burr I’m not sure I’ll be able to
move after this lot.
- Kev! It’s gone dark, Kev!
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I can’t move, Daz. I’m trapped!
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It’s not that Falcon is it?
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No it’s...
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K–
